Month: April 2017

Funny Dirty Jokes

A dirty joke can be really funny is a person does not get offended easily. These are some of the best dirty jokes that will keep a person laughing.

J : What is the main difference between the g spot and a golf ball?
a: A man will take the time to search for the golf ball.

J. What does an out of business sign at a whore house mean?
A: Beat it we are closed.

J. A guitar teacher was arrested. Does anyone know why?
A. He was caught fingering a minor.

J. What is the big difference between a car tire and 365 condoms that have been used?
A. The tire is a good year. The condoms are a great year.

J. What is the main difference between a hockey player and a girl that is a hippie?
A: After three periods the hockey player will go and take a shower.

J. What does a member of the Mafia have in common with a prostitute?
A. One wrong slip of the young and you are in some deep sh*t.

J. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A. His wife died.

J. What is the useless piece of skin on a dick called?
A. A man

j. Why do vegetarians give good oral sex?
A. They are used to eating nuts.

J. What is long, hard ,and is full of semen?
A. a submarine

J. Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips?
A. Once you open it up you realize that it is only half full.

J. What is the easiest way to circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Give his sister a good kick in her jaw.

J. What did the hurricane have to say to the coconut tree?
A. Hold your nuts, this is no regular blow job.

J. What do boobs and toys have in common?
A. They were made for children but dads have fun playing with them.

J. What is a herd of cows masturbating called?
A. Beef stroking off

J. What happens when birth control is mixed with LSD?
A. You get to go on a trip without kids.

J. What is a virgin laying on a waterbed called?
A. A cherry float

J. How is sex similar to the game of bridge?
A. If you hand is good you do not need a partner.

J. Make Some money
A husband comes home from work and finds his wife packing up. He asks her where she is going. She replies, “ I’m going to live in Las Vegas. I heard you can charge $400 for a blowjob there. I might as well get paid for what I do for you for free.” The husband starts packing his suitcase. His wife asks him where he is going. He replies, “ I would like to see you live on $800 a year.”

J. A brunette tells her blonde friend, “ I slept with a Brazilian last night.” The blonde replies, “ Really! How many men is a Brazilian? “

J. Three guy friends went to a ski lodge. They made last minute plans so there was only one room available with one bed. They ended up sharing the bed. When they wake up the next morning the first friend said “ I had a great dream last night. I was getting a hand job.” The second friend said that he has the same dream. The third guy who slept in the middle of the bed said ,” That’s a funny thing. I dream that I was skiing.”

J. A man and his girlfriend are taking a walk in the woods. It gets dark so they start to mess around. After around 15 minutes the man says that he wishes that he had a flashlight with him. His girlfriend then said, “ So do I. for the past 10 minutes you have been eating the grass not me. “